Destructive Myths About Divorce Litigation

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Don’t make these mistakes when thinking about your divorce litigation

  1. Don’t try to win at any cost.    Divorce litigation brings out the worse in many people.  Winning at any costs usually means you pay more than the outcome is worth just for revenge.  After 29 years of litigating divorces, we can attest to to the fact that neither side “wins.”  Litigating out of principle usually means you spend a lot of money trying to make yourself happy, and end up unhappy anyway.
  2. If you are stubborn, you can control of the outcome.  Setting your feet in stone and refusing to budge usually does not get you the win you thought it would.  A fair settlement is one where both parties walk away without getting everything they wanted.  If the judge has to decide, both parties usually lose more than they would have had they simply sat down and worked it out.
  3. You made all the money and she stayed home, so you own all the property.  Louisiana law requires the court to divide debt and assets equally, no matter which spouse paid for the asset or which spouse ran up the bill.  The only exceptions are if the spouse used money from an inheritance or a gift, or money the spouse had before the marriage to purchase the asset.  Therefore, the fact you worked 80 hours a week while your spouse stayed home is irrelevant.
  4. This is all your spouse’s fault.  As the old saying goes “It takes two to tango.”  There is always enough fault to go around.  Calling our your spouses faults and failings will likely get a response from the other side pointing out your faults in graphic detail.
  5. Your concept of fair is not likely to coincide with the law.  See #4 above.
  6. The judge will see it your way.  The judge is charged with following the law.  See #4 above.  If you are fighting over custody of children, the court does not care about you.  It only cares about what it sees as the result that will advance the best interest of the children.  That usually means as much time as possible with each parent, a child support award based on the guidelines, and both of you ordered not to disparage the other in front of the children and to support the child’s relationship with the other parent.

 

Discussing the divorce with your children: What not to do

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How you handle the discussion may well cost you your custody case.

A direct quote from a judge this morning:  “If I hear that either party has discussed these proceedings with the child, it will not go well for that parent.”

In a hotly contested custody case, it is tempting to try to get the kids to take sides.  The temptation sometimes moves parents to even threaten or punish a child who speaks out about what is going on at home.  One of the easiest ways to lose custody of your children is to try and manipulate the child’s affection for the other parent.

Children often feel they are caught in the middle when parents split up.  While loving, mature parents should know that the child still loves the other parent and has a right to a meaningful relationship and frequent contact with both parents, greed, fear and a need for revenge against the other spouse many times lead parents to say things they should not to the children.  The best course of action is to say as little as possible about the divorce and make sure the children know that both parents love them and the divorce is NOT their fault or about them.

Things not to do:

Never make derogatory statements about the other parent in front of the child.  Do not allow others to do so.

Asking the child to take sides between you and your spouse puts the child in the middle of a dispute that really has nothing to do with them.

Do not attempt to change the child’s love for the other parent.  Whether you like your soon to be ex spouse or not, that person is still the child’s parent.

Never bring the child to court unless you were court ordered to do so.  Court is not a field trip or a civics lesson for kids whose parents are divorcing.

Refrain from discussing the legal proceedings with the child or within the child’s hearing.  Do not tell the child what happened in court.  They do not need to even know there was court.  They do not need to hear about the paperwork a visit to the attorneys office.

Do not secret the child away or interfere with the other parent’s custodial rights.  If you believe the child is in danger from the other parent, seek court intervention. Do not take the matter into your own hands.

 

 

 

Are you an unwed father? 5 things you need to know

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Unwed fathers have rights, but may need to take steps to enforce those rights.

If you are an unwed father, you are not alone.  The number of unwed fathers is growing. Your parental rights are constitutional right. However, enforcement of those rights seem to be automatic ONLY for the biological mother. You not only have a parental rights, but also obligations.  Here are 5 things you need to know about your parental rights.

  1. You need to establish paternity.  If you are not listed on the birth certificate as the father, take steps to establish paternity. This may require court action and/or DNA tests if the mother does not agree.
  2. You need to maintain a parental relationship with the child and provide support.  Your rights can be terminated if you do not, but it takes a court order to terminate your rights.  On the other hand, you can’t just walk away.  If you are determined to be the father, you will be required to support the child.  You must support the child even if you do not visit the child.   “Signing over my rights” will not get you out of paying child support.  Courts will not terminate your right just to get you out of paying child support. Failure to pay child support can result in penalties including loss of driving privileges, suspension of professional licenses, contempt of court, court fees and even incarceration.
  3. You may need to establish custody through a court order.  Without an order, you have no way to enforce your rights.
  4. Without a custodial order, you may not have access to school and medical records.   Schools and medical providers should honor your right if you can produce a birth certificate with your name on it.  However, many times they demand to see a custodial order.
  5. If you decide to enforce your rights, understand that the informal agreement that you have with the mother, even if it is in writing, is not enforceable unless it is filed in court and made an order of the court.

Making our office better

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We have added a ramp for easy access to our office!

Our building was originally a home. At least 100 years old, it features beautiful hard wood floors, high ceilings and large rooms. It feels cozy and warm and we love it. One thing we didn’t love was that some of our clients had a hard time getting into the building because a hundred years ago accessibility was not built into homes. Instead, they built beautiful concrete steps, including steps to what was our front door. A beautiful archway covered the entry with an arched front door. A nice oak tree and azaleas grew next to the step. The front door, unfortunately led directly into our conference room ( the old living room) and the steps were difficult to maneuver for our senior clients coming to see Add about their estate plan or to discuss how to afford nursing home costs. So we did something crazy. We blasted through the side of that beautiful arch and added a ramp. Then we blasted through the concrete wall and added a new entry door into our reception area. Come see it. Yes, we know it’s still a bit bare, and looks a bit new in comparison to our old building, but it’s a work in progress. This spring we will plant shrubs around the ramp and paint the entry. Now we have a great, easy access ramp for folks who find steps challenging!