How to Have “The Talk” With Your Aging Parents

Many children find it difficult to have conversations about the future with their aging parents. It is often uncomfortable for all parties involved. Children may worry about how the conversation with their parents will be perceived. It can be tough to discuss the subject of money as children don’t want to be perceived as though they are prying or worse, greedy. Parents may feel as though the conversation is threatening their independence. The fact is, the conversation must take place at some point and the earlier families begin planning, the better off they can be when the plans must become action. Children must, in a loving way, clear away excuses and have “the talk”.

Starting “The Talk”

Before beginning the conversation, children should prepare themselves. Information is readily available at your fingertips. Many organizations have created worksheets or lists of questions to help adult children discuss future plans and needs with their parents. These can help you make a plan for the conversation and be a guide for topics that need to be addressed. Using these as help is a good idea, but be flexible and let the conversation be as natural as possible. Be sure, when having the conversation, to let your parents talk and to really listen to them. In fact, it can be more positive if your parents take the lead.

Discussing Legal and Financial Issues

Having “the talk” with your aging parents must include legal and financial issues. Many parents think that the legal side can be boiled down to whether or not to resuscitate and who can give them medicine, but there is much more to consider. There is legal paperwork that includes advance directives, wills, trust agreements, and powers of attorney. The financial side of things can be very tricky because families have to plan for future living and care. During the initial conversation, it may be a good time to ask an aging parent to gather all of their financial information and plan this discussion for the next meeting. The legal and financial part of the discussion can be overwhelming and confusing. It may be beneficial to tap into professional resources to help. An elder law attorney can help with a plan that covers legal and care-related issues. If you or your parents have a financial planner, it is wise to involve that professional as well.

Talking about Living Options

There are many options and things to consider when discussing future living options for aging parents. First, you must find out if your parents wish to stay in their home or move into an assisted living facility. You must also know if illness changes this preference for your parents. The next step is to do some homework and check costs. You may want to work together to check the costs of in-home aides, assisted living facilities, nursing homes, and long-term care in your area. Families can even set up tours of facilities and the type of care and accommodations available in the facility. This will give families the information they need to continue the conversation and make a well-informed decision.

Moving Forward

After the initial conversation, the adult children and their parents should have a plan for what the next steps will be. It is best to assign family members to tasks on the plan. This will help to get everyone involved. The family could also decide on times when they can meet with professionals or take tours. Most importantly, the family members should decide on a date for their next meeting and what things need to be done prior in order to make the time as productive and peaceful as possible.

If you have any questions about something you have read or would like additional information, please feel free to contact us.

What Does an Elder Law Attorney Do?

According to the US Census Bureau, more than 51 million Americans are currently aged 65 or older, and the number is steadily increasing while medical and technological advancements are allowing seniors to live longer and better lives than ever before. The expanding needs of the US aging population are contributing to an increase in federal government senior assistance programs complexity and availability. Every senior has a unique set of circumstances that set parameters to navigate a successful aging plan, and the best way to determine what your plan should be is to retain the counsel of an elder law attorney.

How can an elder law attorney assist you? An elder law attorney provides overarching coordination for the financial, legal and health care decisions that seniors face. Finding and paying for long term care is something that many seniors and their family members fail to plan for, which can result in running out of money or not being able to secure appropriate care. Seniors or their families should seek legal assistance well before there is a need for long-term care of a loved one to plan for what type of long term care is desired and how it will be paid for. While an elder law attorney cannot be a specialist in all facets of a seniors plan for aging, they work in conjunction with other specialists when specific expertise is required.

Elder law attorneys can facilitate the establishment of a medical power of attorney, advanced health care directives in the case of dementia, or aiding in the selection process of the right long-term care facility and assisting in structuring the financial resources that cover the cost of that care. Those resources may include maintaining eligibility for Medicaid or Veterans’ benefits while protecting the senior’s assets for themselves and their legacy.

Elder law attorneys often assist with guardianships (called Interdictions in Louisiana) if a senior is no longer capable of making responsible and informed decisions regarding their health, living, and financial affairs, and no one has been designated to do so. Interdictions are normally a last resort, as they are costly, require court involvement for the lifetime of the incapacitated person, and a stranger could be appointed to oversee the incapacitated person’s finances. Ideally, a senior will have proper legal documents in place to avoid an interdiction, but unfortunately, this isn’t always the case.

A properly drafted estate or long term care plan can help avoid an interdiction, as the estate planning documents make sure there are proper agents named to handle financial and medical decisions in the event you or a loved one can no longer make those decisions. A properly drafted estate or long term care plan will also address how long term care will be paid for, and whether assistance with government benefits is necessary.

Identifying the right elder law attorney is essential for a senior, their future, and the future of their legacy. You should seek an attorney whose practice is dedicated to elder law as this area of law is often changing and it is important to have an attorney who is on top of the latest rule changes.  Selecting the right elder law attorney for your personal needs or those of a loved one will make a significant impact on your plan for successful aging. Start well in advance of the time you or your family anticipates the need for your long-term care.

If we can help you or a loved one with your elder law needs, please don’t hesitate to contact us here.